I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
