Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize