your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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