Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
