So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
