I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
we're so committed to being not committed
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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