I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
