those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
