I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
