How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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