He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
