Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
