I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
