I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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