I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
