Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
