He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
