after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
