i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
