Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Still dying that you shit outside
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
