Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
