I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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