just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Is it penis luge time yet?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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