My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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