The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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