Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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