I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
