I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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