Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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