If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
