I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize