So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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