Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
