GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
