the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
