I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
