It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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