I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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