you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
