toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
