Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
