Dual....:-)
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
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