i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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