True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
