Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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