ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
