Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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