I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
