The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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