I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
