I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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