$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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