i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
