Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
