apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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