Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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