I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
