I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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