So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
